Family's Eulogy, Ron Yamauchi

It's an honour to speak about Rachel on behalf of her family.

It's also a little weird because I am not her blood kin.  I am merely her sister's husband, which in terms of the family power structure puts me somewhere between mail carrier and housecat.  So my standing here might seem a little random.

But that's appropriate.  Families are random: we choose our friends.  We choose our colleagues too, in the sense that we could theoretically quit our jobs.

But families are people that you are connected to for life, whether you get along or not. 

Rachel got along very well with her family. 

Part of that is luck.  The Goddus, Nashes and Reids are warm and delightful people – right?    

The main reason that Rachel was close to her family, I think, was Rachel herself.  She didn't take her relatives for granted.

I remember going to a party at Rachel's.  I knew Rachel through the SFU newspaper, starting around 87, 88 – and she invited me to a houseparty at Pender Palace, this house in East Van where she lived and which was absolutely rocking with beer and kids and a band, “Gonch Messiah.” 

And she introduced me to Kenn Law, the man she called dad.  I couldn't comprehend that.  Who brings their dad to watch you get drunk and rock out to Gonch Messiah?

I started to figure it out later on.  It was the holidays, and I was dating her kid sister Willow.  I was invited up to the family place in Powell River.  Dinner was really great, with white wine and Scrabble afterwards.

Later, I'd been downstairs with Keith for a while, and started where the women had gone.  I hear voices but where are they? 

I follow the giggling into Sharon's bedroom and they're all in bed, in pajamas! 

It amazed me, but I started to understand.  It's because love of family can be more than an abstract notion if, like Rachel, you take the time to genuinely enjoy your rellies.

And when you're gone they miss you.

The weekend after she passed, I was with a rare gathering of the Goddu clan.

Those of us who were there will never forget it.  For the rest, I want to convey the sense of it.  It was a drizzly afternoon, the light somber but restful.  The Goddu family sat in a circle, in the living room of the Holman house in Mission. 

There was a ceremonial passing of the talking stick, which is a wooden totem, elaborately carved, signifying right of speech.   For as long or as little as their voices could manage, every man woman and child spoke about Rachel in their own way.  What's remarkable is that everyone had something beautiful and unique to remember her by. 

Rachel belonged to other families as well.  I have notes from Jeanne Reid and Sharon Nash, and I'd like to share them with you. 

JEANNE:

Our lovely daughter-in-law has left us.  She didn’t want to go.  It was years too soon.  So many things left undone:  a honeymoon in Hawaii,  years of teaching and learning, a little boy growing up.

We have always thought of Rachel as our daughter-in-law but were so happy for them both when they got married on April 18^th.    The joy it brought them radiated to all.

Rachel had friends and family who loved her from East to West in Canada.  Her lasting friendships are a testament to her gregarious nature and thoughtful, caring ways.

We welcomed Rachel into our family during her days at Waterloo University some 12 years ago.  On her graduation and completion of her PHD, we hosted her friends & family in celebration.

We thank you Rachel for keeping our family together even though the miles separated us.   You gave us our only grandson Dash, a loving, vibrant little boy.  Through him, you will always be with us.

There is a void in our lives now but we will try to go on giving Cameron & Dash all our support and love.

Jeanne & Don Reid

Sharon:

I want it known that it has been an honour to be Rachel's mom..as an infant, a toddler, a little girl, a teen, a young adult and as an approaching mid age adult.

I have received so many gifts from being in close and intimate communion with this special person...our acknowledged "star" according to family mythology and a star to the end and beyond.

Early this morning I read some words of comfort on the nature of grief and healing...he said something like "the people we love fiercely become a physical part of us,ingrained in our very synapses" and so she is for me forever and ever.

Mom

Finally, there's one more family I need to speak for.

If Rachel had not befriended me in university, I would not have met Willow.  We would not have married and had Sophie and Flynn.  I cannot imagine a universe in which Sophie and Flynn do not exist, but there it is, one connection leading to another and then my life winds up full and good, my children have lives period, and thanks be to Rachel.

Rachel and I were buddies.  I like to think that I amused her from time to time.  She would hit me up for shoulder massages and I provided a number of mix tapes and National Enquirers, so that's what she got. 

In return, I got a wife and kids; which is to say, a present and a future. 

I don't think I ever thanked her for that.  Now I never can.  In any case it is a debt I can never fully repay.  But I will try.

What I think Rachel would like would be to give all of my love, devotion, and friendship to her family – to Dash, my nephew, and Cam, my brother in law and brother in heart.

But also to our family entire, a group which will continue to grow and shrink over time as nature and perhaps other forces require. 

It will be something I will do my entire life.  And it will be a pleasure to do this.  I just have to follow Rachel's example.